so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
