i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
