smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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