I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
