Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i now understand why vodka
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
