u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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