Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
