Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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