Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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