there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
