dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
