she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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