My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
