i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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