loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
