Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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