It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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