This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
