were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
