Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
