My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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