@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
