girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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