does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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