She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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