He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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