at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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