She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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