I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
