Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The adults are the big ones right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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