afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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