Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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