Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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