I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
