There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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