Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I want is dick and wine.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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