I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
