so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
