On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
