thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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