I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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