dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
