Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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