hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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