Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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