You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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