We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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