im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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