There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
