i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize