I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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