I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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