sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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