her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
