it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
