I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
