:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
