3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
tell me about the eggs
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