Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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