the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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