I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
