cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
