My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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