what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
