Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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