i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize