I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
In America we eat man semen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
