the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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