If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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