Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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