I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
