Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
