She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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