So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
