he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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