I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
