My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
