No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
