She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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