Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize