not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude. I can hear the air.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
