Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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