The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
