you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
