i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
