There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
