whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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